I Have No Life : The Musical!

New Moon Musings

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:18:37 GMT

Having been forced to watch Twilight last year and now with the growing mass of internet wanksplosion surrounding the upcoming release of the New Moon movie (and given that I'm such a fan of Twilight as a whole) I figured that I might as well learn more about the upcoming movie. And rather than actually read the book (I'd rather face down another Ayn Rand, thanks) or wait for the movie to come out, I asked my bibliophile fangirl of a wife for a quick quick rundown. The following conversation is the result.

To hell with the innocent, names have been changed to protect the obviously guilty.

Me: So what exactly is Twillight 2: Electric Bugaloo about anyway?
Wife: Well, remember how there weren't werewolves in the first movie, but there WERE Native Americans? Well, it turns out the Native Americans actually ARE werewolves, but only when there are vampires around.
Me: Wait, so they're lycanthropically allergic to the pretty sparkly vampires? That's awfully... convenient, in an oddly contrived sort of way.
Her: Yes, and since the vamps are hanging around so Edward can stalk Bella more efficiently, that means they've all become werewolves. Then Edward wanders off to brood, Bella falls in with the werewolves, and eventually there's a vampire/werewolf turf war.
Me: Oooohhh, a turf war. But is there... snapping?

(singing)

When you're a Vamp,
you're a Vamp all the way,
From your first sip of blood
to your "Van Helsing" day.

When you're a Vamp,
If the sun hits your face
We just stand there and sparkle
We're the awesomest race!

You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When werewolves are expected,
You're well protected!

Then you are set
With a capital V
Which you'll never forget
Until eter-ni-ty
When you're a Vamp
You stay a Vamp!

(spoken)

EDWARD: I don't know what to do, I'm so deep and emotionally conflicted and not at all a poorly written cliche.

BELLA: I don't know, Edward. And why are you in my room again at 4 AM standing over me while I sleep?

EDWARD: You're right, Bella, I *should* try something new.

BELLA: I'm not sure how you got that from what I said, but I'm an inherently weak-willed womany type and won't argue with you. Have you considered... brooding? You already have the hair for it.

EDWARD: I just had a great idea! I'll try brooding!

(Edward wanders off without finishing the musical number, forgetting that the filk actually ought to go on for another two or three verses, leaving Bella alone)

BELLA: *sigh* Isn't he dreamy? Maybe one day I'll have his child... forcefully rip it's way out of my body.

I would like to officially apologize to anyone who's ever seen, heard, or been in West Side Story.

JTV - More Birthydeathsuckday Fun

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 08:19:47 GMT

So, somehow my feeble machinations on http://www.thewebcomiclist.com and the brief mention of my comic a few days ago have managed to raise JTV's rankings from a lowly 10562 all the way to 9547... a positive raise of 1015 slots. I now stand firmly between 9546 (Rebellion... apparently a story about memory loss) and 9548 (Pens, Paper, and Ammo... "A random collection of insanity from the brain of Mrs. Thallium.")

Now, I don't know if these were pitty clicks, but if they were... keep'em coming! Now that I'm above the 10,000 mark, I'd rather not like to go back to the dungeons.

Jim The Viking: Death, Rebirth, Redeath

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 12:00:41 GMT

So I'm pleased to see that, according to http://www.thewebcomiclist.com, I am ranked 10562 out of the 10827 webcomics they have. Now, given that JTV has been more-or-less dead for years (and was never actually that good in the first place), I've just got to ask... who are the 265 losers who are ranked below me?

Well, it turns out that Lucky #10563 is a little webcomic called Baka-kun that, much like JTV, hasn't been updated since 2006 (according to this website, which is not accurate to say the least). The plot is listed as "Starting with the relaunch, Baka-kun investigates the worlds of parody and satire as the new crew learn to not strangle each other."

Now, I could continue to rattle off all those ranked under me and berate them for not trying hard enough to beat ME... and perhaps some day, if I have time, I will... however I feel the need to highlight at least one other. Coming in right near the bottom, at 10776, is one of the best-named webcomics I've ever seen...

RoboNinja Vs DinoPirates

It appears to be at least 3 years deceased, and god only knows what it was actually about (I'm at work, therefore affeared to go clicking around too much), but that is undeniably an awesome name. For them to have ranked that much lower than I... dear god, I don't know which god you pissed off, creator of this comic, but you sure did piss him/her/it off good, didn't you?

BTW, for refference, Errant Story is ranked 43 of 10827, 2 under Dilbert, and Exploitation Now is still sitting pretty at 3146, three times my own ranking.

Work-time Stress

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 16:52:32 GMT

First of all, even though I don't declare where I work by name and won't reference it directly... according to the new "Anti-Blogging Policy" they've recently enacted, I have to clearly state that the views and opinions I am about to express do not represent the views, opinions, or policies of my said unnamed workplace.

After having gone through that mess, I think you can possibly see some of the problems I'm encountering at work recently. About a year ago, I took a change of position within the company itself, to be one of the front-runners of a new department that was forming. Not only was it considerably more money, but it was also the opportunity to boldly go where we'd not gone before. I was excited.

Now, almost a year in, I'm ready to die. It's not that I don't enjoy the job - I do. I like what I'm doing, and I'm good at it. Being completely honest and not braggartly at all, I probably know more about the various levels of the job than anyone else does. The job itself isn't the problem... the politics are. I can't stand fucking job politics. "This has to be done this way because some guy six levels up who has no idea what we're doing or how it's done." "You can't contact the people who can actually help you, you have to call someone else who has to call someone else in order to get authorization to do what we're actually paying you to do." "Oh, the executives from the high up offices took everyone to a hockey game tonight. Except you. You have to come in."

There's been some recent upheavals - we finally picked up the remainder of the work we were supposed to be doing in the first place (there've been a lot of distractions that've come up)... 3rd shift carries most of the burden of the extra work, since most of it needs to be done in the middle of the night when the systems we're interfacing with are all offline... unfortunately, nobody really told the people of 3rd shift (of which I am one) what was going to go on, how bad things were about to get, what would be expected of us... we didn't get any advanced notice at all, just a memo to show up for a meeting a few weeks ago. A meeting the executives had scheduled in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING DAY, I should point out.

The worst part is that, a few days ago, the highest official at my specific office said that they needed to speak to me in person (this after I was raising some issues involving another employee who hasn't been there nearly as long yet somehow mysteriously believes he knows more than everyone else) about something. She wouldn't say WHAT she needs to talk to me about, just that she does... she missed our 'appointment' a few days ago, and due to my crazy schedule I won't have an opportunity to have this meeting until Monday AM. That means the entire weekend, I get to stress about what it is she needs/wants from me. It doesn't have to be bad - the supervisor didn't know what was going on, said nothing bad had been mentioned to her, so she said if it IS bad it couldn't be THAT bad.

Still, I worry... it's my nature. So, my entire night off Thursday was spent stressing out... and my entire night tonight will be too. Whatever happens, I'm staying as late as I need to on Monday to ensure I get my audience before New Years.

The Golden Rule of Copyright

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 10:05:37 GMT

This is the fruit of a long and actually very productive Hilary started on her forums about anime and downloading. I've come to an epiphany about the nature of copyright... it's brilliant, it's simple, it's sleek.

If you paid for it, everyone else should have to pay for it too.
If you got it for free, don't make money giving it away again.

That's all there is to it. Think about it...

The Battlefleet (Apology) Megazord

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 07:55:46 GMT

I've been a devout megazord collecter since the 4th season of Power Rangers, and there's never been a season quite like this season... it's had me (and a majority of the other collectors out there) banging our heads into walls and rubbing our eyes in disbeleif since it began.... but it looks like it's finally going to right itself, even if it is with the last Megazord of the year.

To clarify (for those not already aware of this situation)... Normally, we in the US get a cheaper-made but still similar version of the far nicer, more detailed Japanese versions of the megazord each season. Electronics will be stripped out, plastic parts substituted for the original diecast pieces, quality of the detail and paint will be less so, but they're at least similar to one another. The pieces between the US and Japanese robots are reverse-compatible, which means that when the US decides not to sell whatever 'chase' megazord piece of the season they opt to leave out (the most infamous was in Power Rangers Wild Force, where they left out the Elephant... which was one of the main zords they used in almost every episode) diehard collectors have the option of purchasing the japanese counterpart.

Not so for Operation Overdrive. Instead of getting a copy of the 12 inch incredibly articulated richly detailed part-metal Japanese Daibouken, we got... a 15 inch tall plastic with 6 points of articulation, no detail, and no metal. It didn't even transform the same way... the Daibouken's helmet comes off to reveal a non-helmeted head, allowing you the option to switch out helmets depending on which mode you're in... where the US version's head is one solid detachable brick of cheap plastic.

Here's a side-by-side picture of them for comparison: Daibouken on the left, Drivemax Megazord on the right.

That wasn't the end of the assult, however. No, not by a long shot.

There's also a second megazord designed to merge with the Daibouken/Drivemax. Called the DualDrive Megazord (don't remember it's japanese name), it consists of five support vehicles that can either merge with the DriveMax or can form their own megazord. When the toy came out (just last week), what did we get? We got the exact same core as the DriveMax except painted black with two relatively correct support zords (drill and crane, which make up the arms) but ugly crappy hollowed out incomplete versions of the other two zords for the feet.

So instead of getting (left - a picture from the show), we got (right - no picture from the show to match, since this doesn't technically exist)...

And then there's the Flashpoint Megazord next to it's US counterpart...

What, you only see one picture?!? That's right, it's not even being released in the US. Not at all.

So... after all that, I'd been looking forward to what autrocity they were going to commit with the biggest baddest Zord of the season... the Battlefleet Megazord. Five component zords become either a huge battleship or a huge megazord with spinning fists, lots of metal, lots of detail... I expected the worst.

Well, I finally saw the Battlefleet Megazord toy this afternoon. (I did not BUY it, not yet, waiting to find out whether Jacque's job is going on strike first). It is... awesome. We got, as far as I can tell, the most faithful exact replica of the Japanese version that I've ever seen. It's big, it's heavy, it's detailed, it's all the right colors, it's fists spin... I still have to crack one open to be sure, but it appears that they went all out with this last zord set.

My theory is that, realizing what a horrible mess they'd made of the season by botching the first megazord (and thereby screwing up through assosciation the rest of them) that they almost HAD TO do a good job on this last one to earn back some credit from the fans who were so pissed off about all this.

Friday Night Fu (Episode 001)

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:09:25 GMT



"Friday Night Fu (Episode 001)" on Google Video
Episode 1 Original air date August 17, 2007 The Movie: The Guy with Secret Kung Fu 1981, dir. Joe Law There are two guys, not one, and the kung fu isn’t secret at all. Go figure. Two rebels are recruited to take on the infamous Dragon Gang. Along the way, they rescue a beautiful damsel on distress, team up with the daughter of a crusty coffin maker, and fight off the hungry attacks of a really fat zombie. The Fu: A bigass welcome back from the Fu Crew! Episode 1 went off with a few hardly missable bumps - the movie died on us at one key point; I forgot to turn my mic on in another; my mic just up and fell off during one host segment; and Director Matt, fresh out of the Nick Nolte Institute for Better Living, was a bit rusty at the helm. And yet it wasn't too shabby, all things considered. The movie was plenty fun (how far can you throw a coffin?). La Lohan stopped by for a few minutes, as did the no-longer-fat Fat Zombie from the movie. And, of course, much time was spent with our dear pal Professor Fu. Not bad for the first show!

FRIDAY NIGHT FU!

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 18:59:08 GMT

Yes, I used all caps. Few things deserve it as much as this does.

Many many years ago (over 8, at least) there was a tiny little tv station here in cincinnati which didn't get any love from anybody. It was very... very much like Weird Al's tv station in UHF. They had a mix of satellite feeds from strange (and now extinct) sat channels like Network 1 (which brought us "Japanamation" two nights a week) and some highly eclectic local programming. Highly eclectic.

Well, eventually the station got picked up by the fledgling UPN, making it their Cincinnati network operative. Most of the crappy network programming fell away, but from this demise rose a new and wonderful thing: Friday Night Fu. Combining two things I love... Kung Fu movies and Making Fun of Bad Movies into one hybrid concept... presenting (and mocking) bad Kung Fu Movies, Friday Night Fu was around for 2-3 years and was a staple of my television diet.

Alas, as all good things oft do go, FNF (later just called 'The Fu' during it's 3rd season Saturday run) slipped into obscurity and was not continued.

UNTIL NOW!!!!

I missed the first episode (Damnit, damnit, damnit!) which aired last night, but they're back. I'm going to try and record it here, however since I've got peeps in the city, I'm also going to implore them to set up a vcr for me.

If you live in or around Cincinnati, I strongly recommend you a) Write to TimeWarner and request they carry the 'real' local channels like 25 and 38 and not just the digital CinCW that they've opted to carry and... I can't believe I'm gonna say this about something else but... b) tape trade? I know The Fu can't officially endorse this line of action, but I can't think they'd be overly against it. To those of us not around here, I suspect it may be the only way...

The Chris Benoit Thing

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 09:54:00 GMT

I think we all have a dark side that we fear.

I was, once upon a time, a fan of Pro Wrestling, especially a tenacious little scrapper from Canada named Chris Benoit. So of course, learning about the crap that happened of late, the events leading up to his death, especially as we find out more and more about the really bad things that went down, can't help but remind me of something from my own past. See, there was a guy I went to highschool with...

Now, to preface, my highschool had an abnormally high mortality rate. Something to do with rednecks, shotguns, alcohol, and the fact that they built at least one of the major schools in our district on an Indian Burial site. (No, I'm not kidding).

But back to the guy. He was smart, funny, well liked, always ran with what I considered to be the cool crowd. For my highschool, that actually meant our Marching Band - the sports jocks had their own cool crowd, but the jock cool crowd was the most sorry, depressing excuse for a clique you've ever seen. No, in my school, anyone who was anyone was in the Band. And he was in the band. Hell, for his class, he kinda WAS the band. He was iconic.

He and I shared a number of interrests, and he and I were prone to be thrown on assignments together whenever we had the same class because I was one of the few people that could keep up with him/surpass him on intellect and speed of wit. While we were not 'friends' in the conventional sense, I still held him in great respect. I sensed in him a kindred spirit, a person I could relate to.

And then, one day a couple of years after he graduated, he came home one afternoon high on any number of frequently trafficed substances and, with a large knife, killed the mother of his child while the baby watched on.

Now, I know that they say that drugs can make a person do all sorts of things. And I've seen some insane stuff throughout the years that fully supports that theory. But, I will say, that I've never seen drugs make a person deliberately do something that wasn't already within them, part of their capacity, something that they could possibly have done without the drugs helping them.

And then, thinking of the similarites between he and I, I started to worry. Could I turn rogue? I don't do drugs, but I do have a temper, and have on at least one occasion gone overly dramatic on someone. Could that be me plastered over the front of the local paper? Could that be me, the source of endless gossip? Is that darkness within me, as it was within him, waiting for something or someone to show it the way to the surface?

So, as I said at the top... I think we all have a dark side that we fear. But I'll correct that now: I hope we all have a dark side that we fear. Because, this is one of those times where I suspect fear is good. It's the people who say self-confidently "That could never be me, I'm not going to be that guy"... those are the ones more likely to fall. We fear, because we suspect it could possibly be us one day... and that fear might just be the thing that keeps it from being us one day.

Help me be mean to people who suck!

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 08:42:29 GMT

I didn't get an invitation to my own 10-year high school reunion.

I couldn't have attended anyway - it was booked the same day as my wedding, and even if I hadn't been getting married, I probably would have blown it off anyway - but there's something to be said to the principle of the thing. You can't not invite someone to their own class reunion... it's bad form.

I intend to draft a letter to the organizers pointing out their (probably deliberate) oversight, reminding them that I'm not dead or in jail (like a number of my classmates), and perhaps mentioning (politely) that they suck. However, being as that I am too close to the subject matter, I don't appear to be able to speak elegantly on the topic and am therefore outsourcing this opportunity to be snarky and confrontational in a subtle, treacherous way to anyone who wants to pick up pen (keyboard) to paper (screen) and help.

If anyone has any words, phrases, or anatomically based insults about their parentage... they would be welcome.

Project: Badger Me

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 05:54:27 GMT

Ahem ...

weirdonian wrote:

"Project Badger Jim was a complete success. He emailed me Sunday (February 25th) with news on just why he's been so elusive, namely a promotion at his work and an unreliable internet connection. Come to find out he also got a new Nintendo Wii, which Jenny has informed me of. I knew it couldn't be all work and bad connections keeping you off the tubes, Jim, lol."

I suppose I should be flattered, such that I am of a level of importance that my mere absence would inspire someone to suddenly take it upon themselves to stalk me.

Yes, I am alive. (And in California.... again...)

No, I'm not dead. Nobody turned me into a newt, either, although I can say with certain assurances that I do feel better.

No, I don't know when I'll be home. They're unofficially trying to get the home office to lend me out ANOTHER week.

Yes, Hilary, I brought the Jornada and continue to write in my spare time.

Also... Hilary (and anyone else interested) should check out http://www.erikanson.com

So... how is everyone else?

Californiah yah yah!

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 07:07:40 GMT

I have found myself somewhere I honestly did not expect to be... California.

Burbank.

Yeah, I'm surprised too.

More later.

I HATE MORALS

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 11:47:19 GMT

I just discovered this very evening that a former friend of mine had let their .com which they were once very proud of lapse into not-being-registered-osity. They'd had it for several years and, doing a quick search for the name, they used it upteen billion times to cross-reference back to themselves. I immediately had an evil thought (remember - FORMER friend) about swooping in and registering it to myself so they'd have to confront me and the wrongs that they perpetrated upon my own fragile person if they wanted it back. That, or they'd have to ply me with healthy volumes of cash, which I don't see happening. The question is... should the swift hand of vengance strike or stay and show the insolent mercy?

To clarify - The last time she and I were anywhere near each other, she taunted me by playing video games in her underware... Then, when I did not become a ravenous manslave to my passions (not that there were an abundant amount with her anyway), she accused me of forcing myself upon her, and did so in a public and vocal forum which caused me to go running and hiding from one of my oldest and most lovedest internet haunts.

To make matters worse, when I later am being the semi-occasional-internet-stalker that I am and I google her to see what she's up to (out of morbid curiosity) I discover that my 'former friend' is writing a giant fan fiction novel about she and my magical adventures together. In essence, she out-stalked me, which I'm almost certain is considered rude. She stole my name (Main Character is named Drakken) and my likeness (minus a hundred or so pounds, plus what I used to have in the way of hair), as well as my mental instability (in the novel, 'Drakken' is a ghost which comes to inhabit her body, thus providing a running commentary to her waking world).

The website was dedicated to the production of her then-novel-in-progress which appears to have been sacrificed to the altar of FFXI and World Of Warcraft, as so many good projects of late (and thousands of bad ones) have been. The name of the website is based off a name of a place I made up during the original role playing game she and I met in, so I've got as much claim to it as she... however, is revenge served several years cold to a person who may not even be hungry really revenge? Should I stick it in the emo-microwave for a few minutes and warm it up a little, or put it in the tupperware container of regrets and shove it into the fridge of absentmindedness where it will grow moldy and brown?

To be evil, or not to be evil... that is the question.

Finished

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 07:32:59 GMT

Working Title : Kingdom Of The Strays

Began : February 1998 (Original story idea), April 2006 (Actual in-earnest writing)

Finished : January 7, 1:54 AM

Statistics:
Pages : 114/Letter Format, ~450 Paperback Format
Word Count : 112,551
Characters (no spaces) : 526,929
Characters (with spaces) : 644,007
Paragraphs : 2,152
Lines : 6,169

First Word : Our
Last Word : Waffles

Yes, you're reading this correctly. I'm done. Still got a lot of work left to do, but novel numbero uno is complete. That's all she wrote... or I wrote, as the case may be.

Climax

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 13:17:09 GMT

Tonight, I wrote a majority of what will be the climax of my first novel. I've been at it for almost 8 hours and have had well over half a bottle of Vault Zero, which perhaps explains why it's 8 AM and I seem to have neither the desire nor the capacity for sleep. Alas, I will try.

The recent burst of writing comes part in parcel with a challenge I received from Hilary, who tasked me with the completion of this particular writing endavour before the end of the year. In the last three days, I've written nearly 10,000 words, bringing my total count up to 98,000. Now, I'd like to have gone that extra 2,000 tonight, but I'm afraid that if I do I may die from exhaustion tomorrow (and if not that from Jacque when she reads this and sees what I've been up to).

I've retired to the basement, because it is A) away from the laptop, and B) Dark.

Damn caffeine. So as it giveth, it taketh awayth.

"Who?" The Captain's pet owl asked at just the right moment...

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:38:28 GMT

Status: At Philcon.

Met: princessleia2 yesterday. Wasn't planning on it. Had neglected to mention my attendance on the interweb for the specific purpose of keeping my much-hidden identity (I'm really Deep Blue the Chess Computer) secret, but then I saw here and introduced myself... about twice before she realized who I was... and then we talked. It was cool.

Miss my laptop. Someone forgot to bring the bag with my laptop. Having to write novel on paper. My hands hurt.

Learning.

It's fun-demental.

Warning : Historical Content

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 19:31:29 GMT

I wrote this article a long time ago for a webzine I was part of which went under right after I joined it. I don't think it ever saw the light of day, and I didn't even know I still had it until I stumbled across it today. Here, for the first time ever, is

Boldly Going... Back To Bed

So Star Trek: Enterprise officially ended. It's gone quietly into the night as, while all the fanboys prepare for Star Wars III : Revenge Of The Burnt Popcorn. (You'll notice a theme here - first a rant about Star Wars, now Star Trek... I am truly lame.) Trek has always been the bastion of hope and optimism for the future. Long before cell phones were anything other than heavy boxes the size of toasters which only the military used, Kirk and friends were having their lives constantly enhanced (read: interrupted) by connectivity. Before we had microwaves, they had little magical boxes which produced pre-packaged delightful meals which somehow, despite being lovingly prepared by hands unseen and carefully maintained in optimal conditions, still tasted exactly like cardboard. True, these brave pioneers may have never actually traversed the stars, but they have still managed to be light-years ahead of technology and trends.

So now, as what could count as both the first and last series for Star Trek, we look back. We look back not to bury our dear friend, but to honor it. Er... actually, we DO look back to bury it, it's just the 'honor it' crap sounds a little better. See, my concern is that Trek may have officially run out of places to go. With the original Kirk-era series, we established a small part of the Trekaverse. Next Generation took us to... well... the next generation of Trek, fleshing out the universe and the technology so all the obsessed fan-boys could stay up until 4 or 5 AM arguing about warp field theory instead of doing their term papers. Deep Space 9 proved that it's not all fun and games in the future - a lot of it is apparently boring, mindless, repetative, and unfunny paperwork. Voyager took us to a new realm entirely - an entire new galaxy which had yet to learn of our 'earth loving', to borrow from Kirk's day. Then finally, Enterprise took a bold leap backward, trying to show us how the humble roots of our current space program coupled with a realistic expectation for the future's level of technology could still lead to people overacting and throwing themselves around the set whenever the 'ship' is hit.

The question becomes... where to now? All good writers try to have an exit strategy of some sorts. A way to allow them to continue - or perhaps, if it's the author's wish, prevent them from continuing - a story, a character, or even an entire universe. But was this last trip into the past Trek's final frontier? How do you keep something exciting and invigorating without constantly having to re-invent it? They've boldly gone... you know... everywhere. Extended the reach of their grasp forward and backward across time, to other 'quadrants', even into parallel dimensions. It's like professional wrestling.

Very fake.

No, not like that. I mean... if you train, take drugs, sell your soul, and bribe the right people, you can eventually become the champ. But if you're the champ... who do you get to fight? What is there left to win? All you can do is occasionally fend of the wolves at the door, each with the hopes and dreams of one day standing over your broken and battered body, holding that cheaply made realistic imitation gold plastic belt in their sweaty blood-stained hands. One day, you'll get beaten (AKA you'll get a 'movie-of-the-week' deal and need to take six months off to star as 'Jack Hammer', a down-on-their-luck bountyhunter ex-cop trying to land that big bounty so you can win your wife back in a poker game) and the next guy will take his place at the top and the cycle begins anew.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that... it's good to have somewhere left to go. It's nice to think that there's always one more horizion to cross, that there's something left to find or explore. That was the original premise behind Star Trek, after all. What made the original adventures with Kirk and his crew so great. Wasn't there a little mission statement thing... seek out new life and new civilizations... boldly go where no one has gone before... we come in peace, shoot to kill... something along those lines? But how many evil unstoppable alien races with superior technology and hordes of deathmongers can you really encounter before it becomes repetative? How many civilizations which look amazingly exactly like 20th century Earth only the mongols/nazis/romans/republican

s were in charge?

Maybe, as Captain Archer said in the next to last episode of Enterprise, the answer lies within instead of without. Many people disliked Deep Space 9 because it focused not on the usual random-alien-encounter-of-the-week-as-we're-going-some-place-important, but instead on the interpersonal relationships of the crew and inhabitants. It only became creepy, boring, and contrived when they suddenly decided that they needed to go have the random-alien-encounter-etc and forgot about the whole... crew thing. Unfortunately, for the hearts and minds of most Trek fans, this change from character-base to adventure-base occured about the same time Next Generation came to an end, so the first impression many fans had of DS9 was that of the boring, predictable, contrived mutation of the original form. The form that, you know, sucked. Sucked like Juwanna Mann.

I'm afraid they'll do time travel next. Then it'll definately be over. So far, they've only cornered three sectors of the Trek Time Continuinuinuium. If they unleash those federation morons on all of time itself, within three seasons there won't be anywhere left for the writers to go that's boldly where anyone hasn't already written an episode before. They'll fight real nazis, stand there as the bombs come down at the start of WWIII, and have lunch with Caesar. For that matter, they can beam a dying Jesus out of the cave, have the ships surgeon patch him back up, and in a couple of days they can beam him back down outside the cave and HISTORY ITSELF IS RUINED FOR ALL TIME. Thus is the danger of time travel for the Trek peoples. No time travel. It's bad.

So, Paramount, good luck with whatever you do next with the whole Trek Thing. I'm sure you'll do just fine, whereever you go and whatever you do. So... super-intelligent dogs running their own ship chasing their mortal enemy Cat-ons... 46 minutes of Klingons screaming ato one another with no subtitles, translations, or spit-guards... a series devoted to the exciting lives of Picard's fish... Q - The Musical!... whatever it is, remember... as long as it's on UPN, it's going to have the highest ratings on the network. Hell, an hour of static and high-pitched-buzzing would get better ratings than America's Top Model.

Isn't history fun?

Laptops

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 09:17:51 GMT

The Tale Of Three Laptops

1. The Shiny One
Three years ago, my mother bought my brother and I twin super-shiny laptops. State of the art, top of the line, experimental Gateway models. A couple thousand dollars a pop each. Mine... melted, some time ago. The warranty is almost up, and while I may be at least partially responsible for it's meltification, I finally ceased my procrastination and sent it in to be repaired.

2. The Black One
Jacque's much-bedeviled Dell Laptop also died some time ago. This spring, I think. She turned it over to me, who completely and totally failed to repair it. Now, ages later, upon her request (and in fear of being computerless on our convention trip this coming week) she requested I have one more go at repairing it. The outcome? Well, I'm typing on it as we speak. It's shakey, to say the least, as I can't find half it's screws, but it works again. Jacque says (though she'll deny it later) that I am a god.

3. The Ancient One
My newest aquisition is a Pentium 1 150 Meg. Compaq laptop running Windows 95. It's the perfect word-processor for me, since it's super fast and distraction free. God, I had forgotten how much faster Win95 was than 98, 2000, XP, Vista, NT... well, maybe not NT. If a Pentium 4 with 2 Gig of ram is an elegant tank, than using this laptop is like being strapped naked to a missle. Maybe not as nice, but so much faster, so much more direct.

The Week Of Jim

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 05:19:03 GMT

Wednesday : Poe's Bachelor Party - we are the lamest humans on the planet. Mexican food and a trip to Dave & Busters. That's probably why I was chosen as Bestest Man - because he could trust me not to take him to a strip club. Why do men want to go to strip clubs anyway? It's like saying to me "Hey, Jim, want to sit in the seat of this giant robot ? Everything works perfectly and it would be entirely capable of destroying... oh, anything you wanted to... but you're not allowed to pilot it, just to sit there and look at it." It's cruel, that's what it is. On the upside, Dan, Jeff, Poe, and I had meaningful discussions about the general dumbness in the plot of Gundam X and what it must have been like to be one of the enemy mech pilots. "This is Blue Seven to Blue Leader - should we wait until the moon cannon is in position and the guy can fire the super laser at us, killing us all... or should we destroy him now?"

Thursday : Work. Was suggested that the bachelorette party might be still going by the time I get off. It was a lie. Went home and sulked. Played Geist, which I've owned/borrowed for almost a year and never touched. It was fun. Also invented my own alcoholic drink - it was 1 part vodka, 1 part gin, 3 parts tequila, and a dash of red grenadine. I call it the Liberator because while I'm not entirely sure what it tasted like, it did eat a hole straight through the bottom of the glass and made a break for freedom.

Friday : Wedding Prep Day - I didn't leave bed until almost 3 because I knew it was going to be one of those days. It was one of those days. We were on time to the rehersal dinner - except the rehersal dinner had been relocated to 30 minutes away from where we were told to go, a minor oversight which would have been easy to compensate for if someone had told the best man and maid of honor. Nevertheless, we struggled through.

Saturday : The Wedding - They got married. I said some stuff, people clapped. I've got a video camera full of it, which I will be handing over to Hilary at some point so she can master copy it for the hive. Went to Hilary's party later - an experience I shall not comment about in Public Mode. Got to bed around 6 AM.

Sunday : Slept.

For The Love of Three Apartments

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 09:26:17 GMT

So, with Jacque's rent going up-up-up and the lease deadline coming down-down-down we decided last week it was time to seriously begin the looking at of places to live. For the purpose of disambiguation, comments made by Zera (along for the ride, as always) will be made in the just-there-used ( and ) marks.

Apartment Zero - The Dry Run
On Monday, as a non-apartment homeowner alternative, our search led us to a rather nice trailer park in which a friend of Jacque's resides. I was dubious, having grown up a mere stone's throw from Morrow and the land of the creepy non-quality trailer park peoples who, given the opportunity, would probably throw an actual stone at someone, especially if they were different (gay, black, a democrat, supported the wrong Nascar driver), but at the behest of Jacque I kept an open mind and, mostly, a closed mouth during the touring process. To be honest, this one had some nice places and raised my opinions of trailer parks several notches... but there weren't any real winners for us there. The first stank a little too much of little old lady who should move to florida (vacant because she had moved to florida - I am never wrong with my smells.) and was entirely too pink, a flaw that could not be undone by any amount of painting. The second was very 70's retro, which means it was made in the 70's and nobody had updated the interioir since, but was generally nice... aside from some 'mild' floor damage. The third would probably have been my favorite, had it not been for the fact that it had not been cleaned yet and the people who lived in it before were more of my typical mental image of the trailer-kind.

STYLISHNESS + 7 Some serious retro groovyness.

CLASSINESS - 20 Well, it *is* a trailer park.

FRIENDLINESS +11 Bonus for Jacque knowing someone who lives there

CREEPYNESS - 30 Inner voice decided it was time to do banjo solo from Deliverance halfway through tour.

CLOSENESS - 50 Would easily add a half an hour to my already hour long drive to work.

PRICEYNESS
+40 Well within our cost range... IE we are poor.

TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =
- 42
Not such a good start, but all things considered, not horrible...

Apartment One - The Stepford Zone
First place on our action packed day of looking at places which fascinate yet boggle the mind began with 'The Island Club', an apartment complex not too far from where we live now. Pitching nice, clean, almost sanitized living to those who honestly don't know better, we were lured into their den of equity by low rates, an asthetic floor plan, and bonus community activities. The apartment guide websites were, for the only time today, completely accurate about this one. (More on this issue later) We pulled up to a parking space marked (erroniously) 'Futire Residents Only'. I supose that's what passes as cute nowadays. We were met at the door by an overly friendly young business-woman-looking-woman wearing four-inch heels. This also becomes important later, don't worry, there is a point to all this. She informs us that all the apartments in their happy little community are exactly the same and that, within their clubhouse meeting center, they have an exact replica to show us what ours might look like if... the price is right. We followed her up the stairs, making bets with myself that one of these trips she was going to break an ankle (or, if she was lucky, her neck) from her shoes. The apartment was nice, if by nice I mean 'quaint in an irritating sort of way'. It had been decorated by someone who was given a 1000 spending limit and sent to Target - don't get me wrong, I like Target, I do - but too much of any one thing can be bad. It was akin to walking into some sort of Pier One-induced fever dream. View wasn't bad, but keep in mind that this was a demo, and it's entirely likely that I could spend the next year watching fat Mr. Jenkins across the way smear suntan lotion all over his ass as he suns himself on the deck. (alternately, I could *also* spend the next year watching Mr. Jenkin's unreasonably hot wife do the same, which would be equally distracting but for entirely different reasons.) I think the point I officially stopped listening to the sales lady was when she described the fun community activity for the month being a 'pool party with optional DJ' which would be occuring this saturday between the hours of 1 and 3. She's talking PM, folks, not AM. Now, I know many commedians have before tackled the issue of party invitations which state nebulous times like "8:00 - ???" for being over-grandizing on the amount of fun you will have... but I am here to say that there is a worse alternative, which is the ones where someone has arbitrarily decided that, between x and y times, you will have fun, and once y is done you will stop. It's... scary. Oh, the apartment itself? Eh. 2 bedroom, 2 bath, not a horrible layout, reasonable price, but not my first choice. (Or second. Third? That would depend on Mrs. Jenkins...)

STYLISHNESS +20 Very hip, trendy, nice, techno-ish. Now if only I was too...

CLASSINESS +10
Lost some points simply for being too classy

FRIENDLINESS -50 I'd be afraid I might have fun after 3:01 and they'd haul me away.

CREEPYNESS -50
"Each apartment comes with a free complimentary compulsary deluxe luxury lobotomy, free to you, our valued customer."

CLOSENESS +20 Right off the highway, near the non-highway... pity, too.

PRICEYNESS
+10 At the bottom of our estimated ideal cost range.

TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =
- 40
Swing and a miss... two strikes.

Apartment Two - Old Comfort Mannor
The second candidate to receive Jacque and myself was called 'The Orchard', a series of pinkish-gray apartment/condos located within a deep lush woods surrounded with ponds and walking trails. I liked this one immediately, based entirely on the outside of the buildings and the sheer tree-covered-ness of it. (I like nature.) We didnt' have an appointment, but when we pulled up to their 'welcome center' and parked in their (also erroniously named) 'Future Residents Only' parking spot, we were greeted nevertheless by... the identical twin sister of the woman from the first place. Ok, maybe they weren't twins, but damn... she also had the insane shoes with the 4 1/2 inch heels which she swore she wore everyday and had no problem walking in, despite her inherant wobbliness on any sharp turn we took. She, unlike the first woman, actually took interrest in us as humans, which was very nice, and asked us what had drawn us to the Orchard to seek shelter. Based upon our answers she showed us a beautiful 2nd story apartment with a balcony overlooking a lake and a nice tree. The apartment was quality, the view was breathtaking, and the cost was (after deducting their special move in bonus of $100 off each month's rent for the first year) reasonable. Some things were still not perfect, and apparently the apartment websites we'd been looking at had several key facts (what was covered utilitywise, how much the place cost) either partially or completely wrong, but this was looking to be the best candidate yet. The sales lady was... how can I put this nicely? (A pushy bitch?) ...she was eager to make the sale, but we told her we had other places to look still but would most likely be back. One thing did bother me on the way out... the old people watching us from their porches with their ancient judging eyes did creep me out a little. Then again, maybe they thought we were grandchildren here to visit/rob them of their perscrpitons. After leaving the place I said unto Jacque "lo, for Jenny The Big is coming over later, so we only have time to look upon one more place today, but I am loving this place and will have to be seriously wooed by the next one to forsake this place." Little did I know how right I was.

STYLISHNESS +50 Nature is teh win!!11!...it was like a cabin in the woods.

CLASSINESS +10
Minus points for pushy sales lady.

FRIENDLINESS +15 Community seemed nice... but maybe hiding?

CREEPYNESS -20
Jacque knows of some questionable persons who live there, somewhere, but we don't know for sure, so a few points off for sheer distrust.

CLOSENESS +25 A little further away from the highway, but closer to the non-expressway route I drive so yay!

PRICEYNESS
+25 Minus the move-in special, actually under what we were looking for cost-wise... for 12 months, at least.

TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =
105
Now *THIS* is more like it!

Apartment Three - And our winner is...
The final candidate was a late entry, mainly because neither Jacque nor I could reach anyone. Remember the website problems I'd mentioned earlier? Well, here's where the fruit falls from that tree... apparently, the non-quality former owner of the apartments sold them recently to a local group... they didn't bother to tell the new owners all the different little things they'd left undone, like not changing over the 800 number, not updating prices or floor plans on the local websites, not actually leaving anyone manning their leasing office... the list goes on. So, when we finally did get ahold of this one it was after the Island Club but before the Orchard, and the nice lady told us she couldn't see us until 4:30. I was a little leery, but went along to the Orchard and was amazed...AMAZED... by it's goodness, so I went into our final meeting expecting to be off-put and done quickly. (I was wrong.) We were met at the office door by... her four well-behaved sons, all of whom were anxiouisly awaiting their father who was to take them to the pool for the very first time that afternoon. She came shortly after... and was wearing nice, sensible, comfortable clothing. Sandals. She looked like a person at home, which I think made me feel 1000% more betterer about this place than any of the other ones before. I know renting homes to people is a business... but you can be too businessy to do something like this too. Ladies - Imagine a doctor giving you an intimate exam. Now, imagine a doctor wearing the elbow-length leather gloves, the face mask, the headband with the little reflective bit to shine light, and perhaps a radiation suit. Speaking in German, asking his nurses Olga and Helga for 'das clampenings'. Here lies the flaw in the first two's sales tactics - they completely failed to make me feel like I'd want to live at this place. Hell, the first one didn't even show us the real apartment, just a reasonable faxilmile. I've used enough computer software to know YOU NEVER EVER TRUST THE DEMO.

Ahem, I digress... they had a few designs we were interrested in... one was a single story townhouse (I think these qualify as townhouses, not just apartments, but I don't know for sure) with two bedrooms and two baths. It was nice...ish. Then came the one Jacque and I had been drooling over for the longest time... the two story. Jacque had gone and looked up floorplans the week before to prep us for what to look at/for, and this floor plan (despite being more expensive) had me enthralled. You came in to a large room with the kitchen on one end, there was a hall to the side with two bedrooms and a bathroom... and a staircase going down. The basement was huge, as big as the upstairs, and was half-furnished with a little built-in bar in the corner. The unfinished half was equally as big, with washer and dryer hookups in the back, and the prior owner had taken the big empty space and built storage shelves. (He had aslo built a small white room with white floors, walls, and ceiling which looked straight out of one of those movies where the guy takes some woman hostage and puts video of her up on the internet in this clean room so the police can't get any idea where she is. I don't know why he built it, or if it was even a he, but the fact that it can have a creepy kidnapper hovel inside the unfinished half and STILL have room for tons of storage amazes me.) It comes with an attached garage and a fireplace, both things I hadn't even considered wanting until I saw them and declared I wanted them... and while the basic color is eggshell, it's due a painting before the new occupants take over and, if we are to be said occupants, they'll paint some of it other colors for us too.

So it was decided... except for the minor issue of cost, which is still a bit of a problem. This is a smidgen out of our range...partially because (due to the afforementioned website problem) we believed it to be the $869 - $879 Whitfield B, not the $899 - $909 Normandy III, both of which are listed everywhere with the same floorplan. Still, since the difference is as little as $20 a month and as much as $40 a month, for the bonus size and coolness we'll live. Assuming we can get approved, which I hopes we can. Hopes we can muches. Here's the final breakdown...

STYLISHNESS +40 Calm, nice, quiet street with trees. Go team!

CLASSINESS +60
Not the most classy, but of a classy level I'd be happy to live in for some time.

FRIENDLINESS +40 The sales lady was awesome - the residents seemed nice too, and since she lives there, we've got at least one friendly face already.

CREEPYNESS +10
For my very own mystery 'white' room in the basement. Tee hee hee, evil thoughts... but we'll probably make it a library and de-creep-ify it before too long.

CLOSENESS +25 Same distance as the last place, so still in the good window.

PRICEYNESS
-30 I may... *gulp*...have to live without cable.

TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =
145
Alright, Roddy, let's tell them what they've won...

Then and Now

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 05:37:11 GMT

1970-1980: If a movie was good enough, they'd spit out a badly done television series which would putter along for a couple years before being cancelled.

Examples: Planet Of The Apes,

1980-1990: If a movie was not horrible, the studio would have a series waiting in the wings to release upon the unsuspecting public as a cartoon or a primetime show on thursday nights on ABC.

Examples: Teen Wolf, Bill & Ted, Harry and the Hendersons

1990-2000: The movie, now horrible or not, is a function of the tv series. If they can't make an action-figure-centric saturday am cartoon series from it, a t-shirt-centric action prime time series from it, or a graphic-novel-centric gritty cable show from it, they simply aren't interrested.

Examples: Men In Black, Godzilla, The Crow, Highlander, Spawn, Honey I Shrunk The Kids

2000-????: If, since the invention of television, it managed to stay on the air for more than 20 minutes without being cancelled due to horrible ratings, they can/will/have already made a movie from it.

Examples: Miami Vice, Knight Rider, Starsky and Hutch, Transformers, Charlie's Angels

Patriot Inact

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 07:32:32 GMT

From the irony department:

Yesterday (Fourth Of July), we celebrated our nation's independence from foreign powers.

Today (Fifth Of July), gas prices raised to $3.15

Why I got kept out of the good schools...

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 11:48:15 GMT

So I was speaking with Jacque the other day...

...one of our stunning conversations where I'm still in bed technically sleeping because I've only had 5 hours sleep and she's up moving around already because she's had way more and my brain, in it's best attempt at seeking revenge for her being all 'awake' and 'perky' starts churning out ideas which make her brain ache with the thinking.

First, there was a brief dissertation on how they should have named the most recent pope 'George Ringo', so as to complete the set. I then did a little piece, impromptu, where I was the pope using the Ringo voice... " 'ello, my name is George Ringo, ah play the pope... sometimes, ah play the fool. I used to be a nazi, you know, but I'm feeling much bettah now. See, I didn't get nearly enough hugs back then, and ah'm getting a lot more now, so I think I'm fine. Still hate the jews, though." Because Ratzinger (sp?) scares the hell outta me, as does any religious organization who can elect someone who is so obviously evil.

Secondly, and far more important, came a theory I developed on the spot... that necrophiliacs and mimes would make natural allies. I mean, the mimes are already done up in pasty white and I bet they could be reeeeeal silent during sex. And when they're doing the traditional 'trapped in a box routine' while lying down, a necrophiliac could easily construe that as pretending they're trapped in an invisible coffin, which would be hot if you're into that sort of thing.

I told her that I considered it a 'win-win' situation. She looked at me and said "It might not be if you ask the mimes.", to which I replied "Yeah, but it's not like you could hear them if they answer."

...and then she hit me.

Kittennapped

Sun, 21 May 2006 07:46:45 GMT

So 'Cleo' (AKA Untitled Kitten Project) has become so adept at escaping her cage that I've had no choice but to move her up to my room for the time being until I can dig out the arc welder and some clamps to shore up the solid steel cage from the relentless pounding it's taking from her skull as she constantly battering-ram headbutts into it.

Which is why it's 3:45 and I'm still up.

Because the kitten has never slept in a bed/room/locale with a human before, and she thinks it's time to a) eat, b) poop, and c) play. Steps a and b completed... we're on c now. God help us all.

Morality, etihics, and eBay

Thu, 18 May 2006 06:28:18 GMT

I get three breaks a day at work, 2 15 minutes and one 30. Since I'm isolated, an hour away from home and anyone I love in the foreign land of Wilmington, I used to use that time to watch animes, play games, or do other un-wind-y things to help alleviate the killer high level of stress we encounter. Most of the people there use their breaks to smoke, and there's been an alarming number of non-smokers who have converted to the dark (lung) side recently, so I've got to do my best to keep myself occupied and away from the 99% of the people I work with and their filthy habits.

This was, of course, up to the point where my trusty HP 2032sp Thera was forever destroyed a few months ago. Since the dystopic destruction of my darling Thera, I've been relying mainly on books, my gameboy, and my phone's capacity for entertainment... but books and gameboy games can take time to get into and out of (time I don't always have) and my phone is already having some pronounced problems, so I'd rather not further them if I don't have to.

So, I recently purchased for myself a little pre-property-sale and post-income-tax present... a cute iRiver U10 512MB portable video player. High screen resolution and all that junk, it'd be able to do just about anything I wanted it to do (within reason, of course). Well, it arrived today... only they sent me a iRiver I10 5GB mp3 player. It does everything the other one did... and with 10x the storage space... except it doesn't play video.

Now, I automatically did the 'right' thing, which is to notify the eBay seller they sent me the wrong thing. They sell hundreds of these, so it's not like I got someone's item A while they have my item B. Even if it had been a far nicer version of what I wanted that did do all the things I'd like it to do, I still would have notified them, as it is the right thing to do... because I am a dope. Now, here's the question... do I want to return this? I've never had a formal mp3 player that's dedicated for mp3s. Most of the time, when I need mp3ing goodness, I drag along my phone or my JuiceBox (kid's toy I found that takes SD cards and can play mp3s). It's not like I've got a hard drive full of mp3s... that's Jacque's thing, not me... but I do enjoy listening to music, as well as comedy routines, old radio shows, loveline, TMBG Podcasts, and the Big Finish Dr Who audio adventures... so it's not like I'd be at any shortage of things to put in it to listen to.

So the big question is... if given the choice between keeping it and returning it, should I keep it? I hate to say it, but after a day of idly playing around with it, I'm kinda attached to it... but it isn't what I wanted... but should I pay $20 to send it back to them so they can pay $20 to send me what I was supposed to get originally? They haven't contacted me yet, and when they do I may get no choice in the issue. I don't think they can technically 'force' me to return it, as it's their error responsible for the fact that it's now in my posession, but I want to do the right thing. I just can't figure out what the right thing for all parties (myself AND them) would be.

STYLISHNESS	+ 7	Some serious retro groovyness.
CLASSINESS	- 20	*Well, it is* a trailer park.**
FRIENDLINESS	+11	Bonus for Jacque knowing someone who lives there
CREEPYNESS	- 30	Inner voice decided it was time to do banjo solo from Deliverance halfway through tour.
CLOSENESS	- 50	Would easily add a half an hour to my already hour long drive to work.
PRICEYNESS	+40	Well within our cost range... IE we are poor.
TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =	- 42	Not such a good start, but all things considered, not horrible...

STYLISHNESS	+20	Very hip, trendy, nice, techno-ish. Now if only I was too...
CLASSINESS	+10	Lost some points simply for being too classy
FRIENDLINESS	-50	I'd be afraid I might have fun after 3:01 and they'd haul me away.
CREEPYNESS	-50	"Each apartment comes with a free complimentary compulsary deluxe luxury lobotomy, free to you, our valued customer."
CLOSENESS	+20	Right off the highway, near the non-highway... pity, too.
PRICEYNESS	+10	At the bottom of our estimated ideal cost range.
TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =	- 40	Swing and a miss... two strikes.

STYLISHNESS	+50	Nature is teh win!!11!...it was like a cabin in the woods.
CLASSINESS	+10	Minus points for pushy sales lady.
FRIENDLINESS	+15	Community seemed nice... but maybe hiding?
CREEPYNESS	-20	Jacque knows of some questionable persons who live there, somewhere, but we don't know for sure, so a few points off for sheer distrust.
CLOSENESS	+25	A little further away from the highway, but closer to the non-expressway route I drive so yay!
PRICEYNESS	+25	Minus the move-in special, actually under what we were looking for cost-wise... for 12 months, at least.
TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =	105	*Now THIS* is more like it!**

STYLISHNESS	+40	Calm, nice, quiet street with trees. Go team!
CLASSINESS	+60	Not the most classy, but of a classy level I'd be happy to live in for some time.
FRIENDLINESS	+40	The sales lady was awesome - the residents seemed nice too, and since she lives there, we've got at least one friendly face already.
CREEPYNESS	+10	For my very own mystery 'white' room in the basement. Tee hee hee, evil thoughts... but we'll probably make it a library and de-creep-ify it before too long.
CLOSENESS	+25	Same distance as the last place, so still in the good window.
PRICEYNESS	-30	*I may... gulp...have to live without cable.*
TOTAL HOME-Y-NESS =	145	Alright, Roddy, let's tell them what they've won...